Depressed Mum's story

I am a mother of a 20 year old daughter who is in the first year of university. One day my daughter , let’s call her Chilli Padi, came up to me at breakfast and said she had something important to tell me and need my support. I was terrified. It could only meant that she became pregnant.

I always believed that she would behave herself and not fall into this trap. She is pretty, intelligent , doing well in Uni, happy go lucky kind of person. Have dreams of doing MBA in US, active in sports. She said her bf is shocked but willing to stand beside her if she wants to keep the baby. He informed his parent and they are also willingly to support them.

What am I to do? We believe in the sanctity of life. Should I let her keep the baby?

So many reasons to say no:

1. The 2 parents to be -not in position to be parent – over the next 4 years, their parents (from both side) would need to raise their child for them, apart from seeing them both through school
2. mother to be- is so naïve; can’t even keep her room tidy; her dreams.. how?
3. father to be – good boy, filial – but still in uni, very anxious, unstable – not right to pressurize him
4. Yours truly grandmother to be – suffer from depression from time to time; last thing is to look after another child, so tired from raising 3 kids of her own
5. grandfather to be – my hubby – just had another scare- recently discharged from hospital after a 5day stay in cardiac ward
6. my family finances are tight- Chilli Padi has a scholarship- she need to miss an entire semester when the baby arrives, have such high hopes for her

They are just not ready to become parents! So stupid to have unsafe sex. It is also not right for the boy to marry her; for the wrong reasons. Marriage is more than lovey dovey; it’s a commitment that entailed considerable sacrifice.

What am I to do? Arrival of grandchildren is usually greeted with joy. Alas, why such dread within me? Disappointment that Chilli padi’s future so promising can fall into this trap. Is my moral compass wrong if I want her to abort? It is so easy for others to say that abortion is wrong; ever experienced living with your dreams unfulfilled?; there is the danger of recrimination in future. Is it selfish to want the best for your children?

-- by Depressed Mum

Maya's story

Where do I begin? I am 26, I have 2 kids & have been happily married for 8 years now. I have a history of unplanned & unwanted pregnancies. I have always used some form of contraception. All of which have failed. I have fallen pregnant with an IUD, on the pill & on the injection! It is so frustrating. Unfortunately when I'm pregnant I suffer from severe morning sickness & due to that I never want to experience pregnancy AGAIN!

I have had 2 miscarriages & have since had 2 abortions. I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again (that makes this my 7th pregnancy). The first termination was not so hard, I knew my health was at seriously at risk. But after it was done I felt so guilty & weak that I couldn't have persevered. Then the second termination ripped my world apart! I have never fully recovered from it. & now to think I may have to go through it all again! Why is it that the government won't consider me for a tubal ligation? Considering my past history with pregnancy, regardless of being 26, wouldn't I be a perfect candidate? It is so unfair, I don't have $3,000 to get it done privately.

I've already lost 3kg in the last week through morning sickness! It is horrible to have to struggle everyday to just do the normal things. Morning sickness is a curse! Medicine has failed me! Is there help for women out there like me? Is there anyone in a similar situation? I would love to get someone elses opinion and or advice. Thanks.

-- by Maya, from New Zealand