Unexpected pregnancy? Call 1-800-MUM-TO-BE (1-800-686-8623).

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Another story

We grew up together since 1996. It was puppy love at that time. We were so fond of each other so much. However things did not work out after our 6 months together. I really liked him. To me, he is the best good guy that i ever met. I belief that I couldn't find a better guy than him.

We were together again in 27 Jan 02. We started making out after few weeks together. Its our first time holding each other hands, kissing, joke with each other. We were very close. And it was really unexpected one. We sacrificed a lot for each other. Too much to describe it. I was so in love with him. I spend every minute and seconds with him. I would do anything to be with him. Its hard to see us quarell, its hard to see me cry and sad being with him. Every couples and every of our friends envy us.

After a year, my parents talked to us to get engage. Cos we are so close and they are so worried that forbidden things might happen to us. You should know how Muslim Law is. Though we are not conservative type, we obey my parents request and he confidently agreed. He told me that he wants to be with me forever. He talked to his parents. His parents came over to discuss about our engagement and fixed the date.

19th July 05, we are officially engaged. The most happiest day in my life. He stay at my place since then. We were more closer. But then, too many things happened after we got engaged. He started to put his friends first. He would spend the nights and the time with his friends at the Coffeeshop chit chatting endlessly every night. He would come home after dawn. And he would sleep the whole day and continuing his routine again. Instead of looking for Job after finish serving NS, he wasted his time.

Once he got a job, he was back to the good guy that i Know. He left the Job to join his friends. Since then, he changed to terrible person i ever met. He got to know a few girls. And we quarell most of the time. I didnt find out yet till the day he ask for our engagement to be called off. I beg him and his parents. While begging, under depression, had a terrible breakdown, I didn't knew that I was pregnant. In the end, I gave in and let him go but still hoping for his return.

30th Sept, I went to do a Urine test at Jurong Poly. Positive, The doctor congratulate. My mind went blank. Not knowing what to do with my baby. The thoughts being pregnant and carrying my ex fiance child was so scary. Im lonely. I have been helping my gd friend and always accompay her whenever she got pregnant and go for abortion. I did the same too. I think and really think. Decided not to break my mom's heart who were there for me since I was a child. Can't bear to see her cry. That night, I went for a scan. It was 5 weeks and 3 days old. The foetos was small. Fixed an immediate appointment and went for abortion the next morning. He came but he refuse to take me back. What wrong have i commit? He kept quiet.

After a month, he came back to me. Without thinking what he did and the bad things he put me through, I accepted him back immediately. Face my parents and was ready to fight for our love. He treated me better this time. But after few months, it started again. The pain was even worse. We really quarell like no one cares. He went missing for more than 24 hours. Didn't want to contact me. Looked for him at his hanging out place, clubs and etc.. And he appear once again but packe his things and left me again. After a few days, I find out from a friend and even caught them red handed that he left me cos he slept with a friend of mine. He brought her back to his parents place. And his parents still keep it mum. They didn't do anything to it.

And in our custom, his parents have to come to my house and call off the engagement officially. But twice we broke off, twice they didnt turn up. My ex fiance really made used of me and fooled me. The sacrifices and devotion that I have towards him was uncountable. Details are not as important as my pain. I was under depression and couldn't focus my Job. My Job was at risk. My health was unstable. Nearly sent to IMH for that. Suicidal intentions.

If i were to share my story right from how we started, you will definitely cry for me. Thanks to my mom. I loved her. She was there for me during my ups n downs.

-- by Anonymous

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Joey big mistake and biggest regret

It was a big mistake from the start. He was 17 years old and I was 25 years old. So much age difference but yet things happened within my control. I thought i was so much in control over the relationship but yet it happens.

We were together for about 3 months. I do not love him at all. Just pure loneliness that put me and him into an item.

With nothing in common, it was difficult to find something to do together. Going for movies and shopping is out of the point as he was not earning and he was in his first year of poly. As a guy, he felt that he needed to pay but yet can't afford, and he did not want me to pay at all so we stayed at home and make out everytime.

I missed my period and i went and bought myself a pregnancy test kit. It proved to be positive. I showed it to him. He was calmed and asked me if i wanted to keep it. If yes, then he would marry me. Am i suppose to be happy when he said that? I was sad actually.

Circumstances in my life could not make it happen. Even if i could get married, i would not want to. He was just a 17 year old kid who has not even reach the kind of mentality an adult should have. But i appreciate his thoughts and gesture of trying to do things right at that point of time.

I went to a private clinic at Toa Payoh to settle it. I told nobody about it. Not even my parents. He did not accompany me there. He had school on that day. So i went in and settle it myself. The procedure was fast and quick. I can still hear the busy bustling outside while i was getting ready.

The doctor don't even want to give me a scan of the foetus inside me. I was devastated but i accepted it as i know that i need to move on. It was the biggest regret in my life.

After the whole incident, we drifted apart and he no longer calls up again. And I made up my mind to put a stop to our so call relationship.

Till now, i feel the sense of regret. I would so much love to keep the baby. But it would hinder my career and my studies at that point of time. How selfish of me!

Regrets .... for my whole life.

-- by Joey

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Ms Tan's story

I'm not a single mom. I don't have a child to qualify my story here. But I believe my story can help precaution some girls against certain guys. I hope this will show and help...

I was a naive 16year old to begin with. My parents being conservative chinese, I never got into much contact with sex(not litherally nor figuratively).

I wanted very much to have someone to care for me. Having a harsh mother and absent father, it wasn't a very fulfilling family I have. I wished for a guy to care for me. It wasn't difficult to. I'm not exactly the pits in the looks department. I just never had the chance.

He wasn't the stuff of my dreams. He just happened to be a guy who showered me with concern. It didn't take me long to accept him as boyfriend. His persistence paid off. In more ways than one.

It wasn't long into our relationship before he requested for sex. Eventually he realise he won't get it. He decided his force would settle this disagreement. His planning, I have to admit, was immaculate.

I didn't suspect what lay in store for me. He simply requested for a date at East Coast. It's a very public place. Or so I thought. To cut a long story short, he got his wish in the bushes by a underpass. He didn't bother with taking precaution or care to think of it(I was a virgin). He left me torn and trickling with his seed in me.

He called occasionally after that. Recommending pay and guys. Hounding me to open my legs again. Even though I coped at home and worry about my fertility day by day.

I was lucky of course. Still it's a scar I will never be able to stitch. It has become a wound which i rather let it rot than do anything about it. He could have caused me to be pregnant. Screw up my life. I was lucky. The rape was traumatising enough. I don't need a child to make it worse. I have all the respect for all the girls who end up with unwanted pregnancy. For whatever decision they make. I just never want to be caught in such a situation ever.

I've met a guy whom I love. He heard my story and love me even more. Its incredulous to me. But he's healing me.

-- by Ms Tan

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Jenna's story

I was 18 years old when it happened and I did not love the man who caused my unwanted pregnancy.

I was nursing a heartbreak from a previous relationship and it was a very low point in my life. I couldn’t forget my ex and indulged myself in endless clubbing, drinking and flirting with other guys to numb the pain I was feeling inside. It was during this period that I hooked up with him.

It happened on a Xmas eve, after a night of drinking and smoking, I ended up at his place. Before that fateful night, I’ve been to his place before and he tried to have sex with me (abit forcefully) but I resisted because deep down I knew I didn’t love him and I didn’t want to lose my virginity to him. But I don’t know what got over me on Xmas eve, maybe it’s the immense sense of loneliness being without my ex and missing him, the effect of alcohol?

I didn’t resist his advances and slept with him. We didn’t use a condom and he lied to me that he did not ejaculate inside me. Because it was my first experience, I didn’t know how to tell if he did ejaculate inside me or not. It was the biggest regret of my life, giving my virginity so cheaply to a man I didn’t love.

He was enlisted into the army soon after Xmas. On his first book out, he called me and we ended up in bed again. A few weeks later, I heard he was caught doing drugs and locked up in camp. We lost contact then but I wasn’t sad about it at all, I just continued with my life as usual. I began to miss my period. At first, I thought nothing of it as I often have irregular menses.

It was only when I missed my period for the second month that I panicked. I bought a pregnancy test kit but the result was negative so I dismissed the thought and went on with life thinking maybe I will get my period next month. However, a month passed and still nothing came. I began to feel something kicking me in the stomach at times and began having morning sickness. Being na├»ve then, I still wasn’t sure if that meant I was pregnant. I couldn’t tell anyone about it at that time and I was very scared.

I bought a pregnancy test kit again and this time the result was positive. My whole heart sank when I saw the result. How can I be pregnant with the child of a man I didn’t love at all? I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to assume any responsibility and marry me because I don’t want to marry him.

I’m angry that he lied to me that he did not ejaculate inside me. I didn’t want the child. I know it’s harsh to say that when the child is part of me too, but at that time, having a baby is really not within my plan, especially a baby that will remind me of the big mistake I made and a baby with someone I didn’t love and didn’t want to be with. I went home with a heavy heart that day, rehearsing in my mind over and over again how to break the news to my mum.

My mum took me to the gynae after I told her what happened. She kept pressing me to tell her who’s the guy but I kept quiet. I can see that she’s very upset and I felt that I had disappointed her. I can never erase the abortion from my memory. It was so painful (physically and mentally) and depressing. I felt so weak after the operation and I felt guilty seeing my mum cooking tonics and taking care of me.

That man called me once a few months after the abortion. I was very angry to hear his voice as I felt he had been selfish to lie to me about pulling out before he ejaculate and that had made me suffer the painful consequences of that foolish night. I just told him I said some harsh words, calling him a liar but never mentioned the pregnancy to him. He hang up on me and never called ever since.

It’s been a few years since it happened. I’m happily attached in a stable relationship now (I didn’t tell my current bf about this past and I hope he’ll never know). My mother and I don’t talk about this ever since. It’s like by not talking about it, it never happened. But deep inside, I knew what happened will always remain as a scar in my heart and can never be erased just like that.

I do think about my baby sometimes and felt guilty for depriving him/her of a chance at life. As I am relating my experience, my eyes start to tear, even though I don’t think about it so much now, going through the whole experience again still hurts. It’s a wound that probably won’t ever heal completely.

-- by Jenna

Friday, August 19, 2005

Crystal's story

I knew my bf for 3 yrs but was only together since early this year... I had been through a few difficult relationships prior to this and was on the verge of swearing into spinsterhood when he came along! for him, I was his 1st gf... we had many amusing situations...

in these months,he had been very caring towards me and were actually discussing abt marriage after he came out of army... 1 thing led to another... I gave in to his request for sex thinking that it's the rite thing to do...

I neva had much sexual experience as I had stopped before things went too far (perhaps denial to sex was why my ex(s) left me...)! newbies to sex,we only practise the withdrawal method. Nothing happened for over half a year,we jus continued with our weekly sex.

But in july,while he was in hospital for a knee surgery, I found out that I was pregnant... seeing the anesthesia wear off and his face turning pale as his pain increase,I could not find the heart to let him know the news!

His family already had a cousin that had a short-gun marriage, and had also told him many times that he could not let the same thing happen!

bearing in mind that we were neither mentally or financially prepared to bring up the child,I comtemplated abortion. the biggest reason for me to abort the child was that his guardian's attitude towards suddenly turned cold on the day of his discharge... even to the extend of hostile!

if I were to really keep the child,I could not imagine how they will treat me and my baby! I do not want my child to hear remarks that he was an accident or he was a bastard child...

if I were to work extra to make ends meet, I would gladly do it even if it would be difficult! but if we were to endure sarcastic remarks, I would not permit my child to go through these...

Faced with no other choice,I went for the abortion alone!

it had been 2mths since! I am still having nightmares and weak health coz of the abortion!

That was not the end of my tribulations! his family, for some obscure and unknown reason, has been treating me as if I was invisible... it was very hurting considering the fact that I had done everything in my power to look after and take care of my bf!

My only solution now is to hope that my bf would support me through all these!

-- by Crystal

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

GenEsis

Originally posted by tristefemme. Most of the personal information has been removed. Reproduced without permission.

Genesis. The Beginning. How it all started.

LX and I met through a mutual friend, L, his friend and my ex-colleague and close girl friend on September. I remember the date because I still keep the first sms he'd sent me a week later to ask me out for coffee, as my sixth sense told me that he would turn out to be more than just a friend to me.

I remember that the night before, I was praying and crying in church because I felt so alone. Now, I really can't remember why I was so depressed then. Everything else that used to hurt and mean so much, now pale in comparison.

I usually don't go for parties where I am surrounded by people I don't know, because I am very shy by nature and find it difficult to make small talk.

The next day, when L asked me whether I wanted to meet up with her and her friend (i.e. LX) for dinner and movie, I agreed to go, because I felt that things were so bad that I didn't have anything more to lose. I also thought that the meeting could be a sign from God telling me that things weren't so bad afterall, that people still like me enough to ask me out.

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Scene 1

I was pleasantly surprised that L's friend, i.e. LX, was quite good-looking. I thought he looked like James Lye. My male ex-colleague who was at the dinner also conceded that he was quite "cute". I had thought that good-looking, well-dressed and single Singaporean guys were extinct.

LX was rather quiet during the dinner. Although we didn't talk much, I found out that both of us were from the same JC. We both studied at universitied in the US and graduated with double degrees. He did not fit my stereotype of the nerdy and irritatingly book-smart student (although he'd certainly looked like one in his class picture in our yearbook).

LX, L and I then headed to watch a foreign movie. Spainish, I think.

I had a good first impression of him but thought that nothing more would come out from this meeting, as this would be the first and last time I would see him.

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I was surprised and delighted when I received an sms from LX the following Saturday, asking me out for coffee. LX had asked L for my number. I arranged to meet LX over coffee that night.

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Scene 2

I wore my favorite white dress and even took the trouble to put on some make-up, but tried my best to make it look as subtle as possible. I'd wanted to make a good impression.

We got to know each other over a cup of coffee each. We talked about our families, JC and universities days, hobbies, likes and dislikes, mutual friends, friends we realized we both knew and so much more.

I'd thought that LX had an amazing mother. She sounded so atypical and modern of most mothers I knew, definitely very different from mine.

I thought it was sweet but unusual that he was planning a trip with his parents for the Deepavali - Hari Raya long weekend. L and I were also considering a trip during the same period. I don't know of any of my friends who still travel with their parents, especially without their significant other.

LX sounded like he came from a loving family, the kind I always wished I was part of. Little was I to know that his family, especially the very tight apron strings with which he was tied to his mother, would be one of the main reasons behind our relationship's disintegration beyond repair. While his respect and love for his parents and elder brother is commendable, that is still no excuse to hate his own child, who is one-half his flesh and blood as well.

I learnt that LX was into swing dancing while at university. Ballroom dancing was one of my favorite activities which I had picked up at university, but never got to further my interest in Singapore as the scene here is small and different. I can't remember what else we talked about but I remember having a really good time as conversation just flowed.

Time flew by incredibly fast. Before long, it was time to head home, as I wanted to catch the last train home. I could not stop smiling all the way home. I could not remember when was the last time I had such an enjoyable and engaging conversation. It also helped that LX smsed me on my way home, telling me that he had enjoyed himself very much, too.

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LX did not fit bill of my ideal guy.

One, he was of the same age as me. My ex-bfs were at least years older than me, and I'd felt that due to differing rates of maturity and my cynical nature, an older guy would be better suited for me.

Two, he came from a Chinese-speaking family, while my parents don't speak a word of Chinese.

Three, he'd studied in mixed schools, while I was from an all-girls school for 10 years.

I decided that the above differences could be worked on and overlooked. A crush was coming onto me.

-- by tristefemme

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Conversation with His Ex

Originally posted by tristefemme. Most of the personal information has been removed. Reproduced without permission.

I received my first comments on this blog today from four people I don't know. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. You brought a smile to my face.

I spoke to LX's ex-gf yesterday. She had given me her number and encouraged me to call her if I wanted to talk, after I had written to her (and all his friends on his list) that I was pregnant and he wanted me to abort his child.

That happened after I broke the news to him. I know that it probably wasn't a nice thing to do. He had smsed me and suggested meeting up to talk. I could not meet up in the morning. I suggested the afternoon instead, to which he counterproposed. I found out from his ex-colleague that he was with his colleagues. I thought that the future of his unborn child is alot more important than keeping up with the appearance that all is good for the rest of the world to see. How could he get his priorities so wrong?! I told him via sms that I never expected him to be such a selfish and irresponsible coward, a wolf in sheep's clothing. His reply was, "You can call me anything you want. It doesn't matter." I was so taken aback by his extremely arrogant response that I deleted his sms immediately. I was torn between feeling very hurt and furious.

I believe that people who know me would agree that I'm usually a mild, shy and soft-spoken person. I do get frustrated and irritated at times, but I've rarely (in fact, never, if my memory serves me right) lost my temper in front of other people. During my relationship with him, I gave in to him alot, much much more than I had given in to anyone in my whole life (which is a huge thing to me, because I'm the only child and used to having my own way most of the time). I had placed him on a pedestal, which was one of the greatest mistakes I had made in my life, second only to gettting pregnant with his child.

I wanted to let his friends know exactly what kind of person he is. He is not the caring, responsible and generally nice person that I, our mutual friends who had known him since his university days, and I would think everyone else, thought he was. That he is actually nothing more than an extremely self-centered and irresponsible coward, who would kill his own child for his own selfish reasons. I stated the facts in my e-mail, told them how I felt about his actions and let them form their own conclusions. The wonders of internet technology.

I know he is pro-choice, and it is always easy to be pro-choice if it is not your own flesh and blood, not when the foetus is already formed: its head, spine, body, limbs, hands and feet are properly defined, and it has a heartbeat. It's not a mass of cells. I have never been a staunch Catholic. In fact, I'm a terrible one. My feelings are not based on the Catholic Church's stand on abortion but my basic moral values and what comes straight from my heart, my conscience. The foetus is an obviously living thing, but just because it is still developing in its mother's womb, doesn't make killing it any less wrong than killing a human being walking on Earth's surface.

I called LX's ex-gf up, firstly because I was curious about her, and secondly because I believed that she would give me a different perspective of him, compared to what everyone else had. Which she did. It was strange talking to her, because I used to be jealous of her, as she is younger to me, and I suscribe to the belief that guys like gals who are younger. She also seemed a lot more popular than me. She told me that after being with him for years, she realized what a selfish person he is, that he did things, not because he really wanted to, but because he felt it was the right thing for the bf to do for his gf, and to show the rest of the world what a wonderful bf he was. I felt better knowing that she, too, realized exactly what a selfish person he is, which was more comforting than the usual "I also never expected him to be such a person". But, dear friends who are reading this, I want to clarify that I appreciate your support very much and I'm not belittling your feelings. None of us knew that beneath the gentleman facade he had put up so successfully, he is actually a very selfish, irresponsible and immature person.

His ex-gf also shared with me that they talked about getting married when she completed her univerity studies. Even though I now know what kind of person he really is, I cannot help feeling uncomfortable, and to be really honest with myself, jealous. He went out with her for years; he went out with me for months. He had told her that he loved her (although he claimed that he regretted saying it); he never told me that he loved me. He kept all the things she had given him; He returned me almost all the gifts I had given him, as well as our couple stuff. Marriage with me was far far from his mind. I cannot help feeling used and stupid.

Since the first time we met in end September through his friend who was my ex-colleague and a good girl friend, I somehow knew that we would be more than just friends, that we would have something more significant than friendship. Even though he was quite nerdy and rather quiet during the dinner. Except I never knew exactly how significant our relationship was going to be. Not significant in the positive sense, but in a very negative and ugly sense.

I had a few relationships before and I wanted very much for us to work out, as I was tired of the whole dating game and wanted to settle down. That started me praying again almost every night for LX and I to work out. It is extremely frustrating and disheartening that not only were my prayers not answered, but things went the complete opposite direction. Despite our quarrels, his inability to commit to me and my years of cynicism, I was still hoping that one day fairy tales would come true for me.

I slept with him, because I loved him. He slept with me definitely for reasons other than love. Sexual gratification? Because sex is part and parcel of relationships today and sex is a boyfriend's right? Only he can tell. Perhaps I am a hopeless romantic, but I feel that sex should only come into the picture when there is love. I can't imagine myself being intimate with someone whom I have no feelings for, even if there is friendship, like a fuck buddy. Was he just using me for free sex? Was I no more than a prostitute, who was paid with sweet gestures, almost daily phone calls, his companionship and the occasional nice dinner? And like a postitute, I am cast aside, unwanted and unloved more than ever when I became pregnant. Not with anyone else's child, but his. I feel used and so stupid.

-- by tristefemme

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The Aftermath of the Final Meeting

Originally posted by tristefemme. Most of the personal information has been removed. Reproduced without permission.

I took urgent leave today. I am in no position to work, engage in activities that I used to do and enjoy, and meet people.

I woke up this morning with the image of LX's face so full of hatred for me and his voice so harsh and full of anger during yesterday's counselling session. I feel so scared, so depressed, so helpless, so alone in my troubles. I wish I could sleep off the problem and get on with life, pretending that he was never a part of my life. But I know that I can't, because this problem will grow bigger, literally, no matter how much I ignore it.

I had decided last week to keep the child. I think my decision was fuelled by LX's cordial behavior when we went for the ultrasound scan last Tueday. I'd thought that he had gotten over the shock and was finally able to deal with this problem somewhat responsibly. I was hoping that in addition to financial support, he could provide me with some emotional support, to participate in the development of the unborn child and be a part-time father figure to the child when he/she was born. I thought that such an arrangement, akin to that of divorced couples, would work best for the child's interest.

However, I am now having second thoughts after yesterday's session. Do I want a child whose father is so selfish, irresponsible and heartless? Whose paternal grandparents (and I had thought that the parents of two grown-up sons, they would have better sense than their son) are equally cruel? What happens if the child is a splitting image of LX? What happens if the child has birth deformities or is intellectually disabled? What happens if the child turns out to be a juvenile delinquent, a criminal? I have so much going on for me. I am not ready for motherhood. I can barely take care of myself, with my history of depression, mood swings and emotional uncertainties, let alone another human being. It will be so much harder for me to find the love of my life with a child. While LX is getting away scot free and is moving on with his life, my life will completely change and there will be no turning back once the child is born. And I don't even like kids.

It's not fair that the mother has to carry the emotional, social and much of the financial burden of bringing up the child, while the father and his family try to bury this episode, keep it from family and friends and move on with their lives, as though this episode had never happened. I am sure that in 5, maximum 10 years, LX would marry a woman he loves and bring up wanted and happy children, providing them with all the love he can give and fulfill as much of their material wants as possible, while his first child has to bear the social stigma of coming from a single parent family, and unable to enjoy much material wants, because his/her mom can barely feed herself, him/her and her elderly parents.

But, what happens if I never meet the love of my life? What happens if I am so emotionally scarred by this episode that I cannot open my heart again to the possibility of a new love? Even if I do, can he accept that I had an abortion before? I already have an infertility problem, and it is a medically known fact that abortions reduce the chances of getting pregnant in the future. What happens if this is the only child that I am meant to have in this life time and I can't have anymore? Can I live with the guilt of killing my child? Will I look at other children and wonder whether my child would be just like them if he/she had been alive?

-- by tristefemme

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Farce of a Counselling Session

Originally posted by tristefemme. Most of the personal information has been removed. Reproduced without permission.

Today, LX, my ex-bf and the father of my unborn child, and I went for counselling with a professional psychologist and a counsellor. The purpose of the couselling was to find an "amicable solution" for us, or so, LX had told his bosses and friends.

It turned out to be more of a session for LX to voice his stance on the issue of my unwanted pregnancy: (1) He will pay child support only; (2) He never wants to have anything to do with me nor the child ever again; (3) I intentionally got myself pregnant so that I could tie him to me forever; (4) I had caused a lot of grief and hurt to his family. LX was very defensive and harsh. His eyes and tone of voice suggested no ambiguity whatsoever that he hated me for screwing up his life. I believe that LX had suggested the counselling session to show his bosses and friends that he had tried to take a responsible step in dealing with this issue, but it turned out to be a farce, a meeting session for him to state his stance in front of two strangers so that I would not get too emotional, disguised as a counselling session. I thought counselling sessions were not supposed to be a one-off session, that they would be a series of sessions where the couple will then meet each other's wishes midway.

On (1), I do not consider it an act of responsibility as, as the father of the child, he is legally obliged to pay child maintenance until the child turns 21.

On (2), he certainly drove home his point by passing me a huge box containing all the gifts I had given him. He said that he did not want me to harbor any hopes whatsoever that we would get back together in the future. Would I have such hopes after I've seen what a selfish, irresponsible and heartless person he is?

On (3), he claimed that I liked him to ejaculate and stay inside of me, and that I did not like him to wear a condom. I do not see the point of trying to explain what clearly is a subjective matter between two parties in the bedroom that cannot be verified by a third party. I do not want to go into greater details of what is essentially a very private matter, but I would like to state for the record that I did not LIKE him to ejaculate inside of me, and I did not NOT LIKE him to wear a condom. As our sexual relationship developed, The Pill and an infertility problem were our only contraception.

I have been told that I have the beauty and the brains, so why would I resort to the lowdown means of getting myself pregnant so that I could tie him down to me? It's not as if I was desperate for his genes (which is of very poor quality: just look at the way he still refuses to take responsibility and even blames me for the unwanted pregnancy). I do not want this child as much as he doesn't want it. Pregnancy came years ahead of plan, minus the marriage and with a very wrong man. If my relationship with him did not work out, sure, I would be hurt and upset for a couple of months, but I am sure that it would only be a matter of time before I found someone new again.

On (4), LX has caused alot of hurt and grief to my parents as well, I would say even more so than what his parents are experiencing. Why can't he see that he is also to blame for the hurt and grief that both families are experiencing? Does he realize that this pregnancy takes two hands to clap? While he hates me for screwing up his life, he has screwed up my life, too. I am the one who has the bear the burden of carrying and raising the child, and be subjected to social redicule. So, whose life is actually more screwed up than whose? How would his parents feel, if they had a daughter and some guy made her pregnant and wanted to get away with it? Would they make their daughter go for an abortion, and move on with their lives, pretending that this episode had never happened?

Even if he hates me and has no regard for my feelings whatsoever, why doesn't LX consider the feelings of his child? His own flesh and blood. Yes, he doesn't want this child. I don't want it either. But it exists, and even though to him, the child has the wrong mother, he is afterall the father of the child, the other half of the child. How can anyone with a conscience be so heartless and cruel to his own flesh and blood?

I used to think that he was responsible, caring and a generally nice guy, an opinion that was shared by his family, friends and colleagues.

I was wrong.

-- by tristefemme

Unexpected pregnancy? Call 1-800-MUM-TO-BE (1-800-686-8623).