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Thursday, October 20, 2005

Joey big mistake and biggest regret

It was a big mistake from the start. He was 17 years old and I was 25 years old. So much age difference but yet things happened within my control. I thought i was so much in control over the relationship but yet it happens.

We were together for about 3 months. I do not love him at all. Just pure loneliness that put me and him into an item.

With nothing in common, it was difficult to find something to do together. Going for movies and shopping is out of the point as he was not earning and he was in his first year of poly. As a guy, he felt that he needed to pay but yet can't afford, and he did not want me to pay at all so we stayed at home and make out everytime.

I missed my period and i went and bought myself a pregnancy test kit. It proved to be positive. I showed it to him. He was calmed and asked me if i wanted to keep it. If yes, then he would marry me. Am i suppose to be happy when he said that? I was sad actually.

Circumstances in my life could not make it happen. Even if i could get married, i would not want to. He was just a 17 year old kid who has not even reach the kind of mentality an adult should have. But i appreciate his thoughts and gesture of trying to do things right at that point of time.

I went to a private clinic at Toa Payoh to settle it. I told nobody about it. Not even my parents. He did not accompany me there. He had school on that day. So i went in and settle it myself. The procedure was fast and quick. I can still hear the busy bustling outside while i was getting ready.

The doctor don't even want to give me a scan of the foetus inside me. I was devastated but i accepted it as i know that i need to move on. It was the biggest regret in my life.

After the whole incident, we drifted apart and he no longer calls up again. And I made up my mind to put a stop to our so call relationship.

Till now, i feel the sense of regret. I would so much love to keep the baby. But it would hinder my career and my studies at that point of time. How selfish of me!

Regrets .... for my whole life.

-- by Joey

1 comment:

Har Meg Ido said...

Hi Joey,
Reading ur post left me with a bitter-sweet feeling, 'coz it made me ponder on how my fiance & I got tog. We weren't gd frens to begin with n to be honest, our frenship was nothing more than acquaintanceship when we decided to get together. If i were to be frank with myself, it was loneliness tat drove me to be with him. I was just aching to be with someone who cared for me; and he really did. I wanted that intimacy; that knowing familarity with each other - and i was too impatient to wait for it. I wanted instant gratification and so we ended up tog. I thot this re'ship wldn't last beyond 6mths 'coz we didn't hv much in common. Yet he treated me like a princess and really doted on me, i thot i cld love him and be with him, especially when we started making out more and more regularly and heavily. He was more experienced- smth which i had not expected and I allowed myself to indulge in those sessions 2. It created a bond betw us - how could it not? How cld anyone ever forget that 1st time; with that particular person? I cannot imagine being touched by any other man after him. And so i stuck with and by him....

Am I stupid? Yes, i regret having allowed lust 2overwhelm the both of us. Yet he treats me well and takes care of me. He's a honest fellow who doesn't stray,n i've no doubt that he will definitely be a gd husband(in 3mths' time) in the traditional, breadwinner mould.

God has been gd to me.. in tat though i have sinned - the man I'm with is still responsible enough to take care of me. This is smth which many more women out there do not have the luxury of having..

Unexpected pregnancy? Call 1-800-MUM-TO-BE (1-800-686-8623).