Joey big mistake and biggest regret

It was a big mistake from the start. He was 17 years old and I was 25 years old. So much age difference but yet things happened within my control. I thought i was so much in control over the relationship but yet it happens.

We were together for about 3 months. I do not love him at all. Just pure loneliness that put me and him into an item.

With nothing in common, it was difficult to find something to do together. Going for movies and shopping is out of the point as he was not earning and he was in his first year of poly. As a guy, he felt that he needed to pay but yet can't afford, and he did not want me to pay at all so we stayed at home and make out everytime.

I missed my period and i went and bought myself a pregnancy test kit. It proved to be positive. I showed it to him. He was calmed and asked me if i wanted to keep it. If yes, then he would marry me. Am i suppose to be happy when he said that? I was sad actually.

Circumstances in my life could not make it happen. Even if i could get married, i would not want to. He was just a 17 year old kid who has not even reach the kind of mentality an adult should have. But i appreciate his thoughts and gesture of trying to do things right at that point of time.

I went to a private clinic at Toa Payoh to settle it. I told nobody about it. Not even my parents. He did not accompany me there. He had school on that day. So i went in and settle it myself. The procedure was fast and quick. I can still hear the busy bustling outside while i was getting ready.

The doctor don't even want to give me a scan of the foetus inside me. I was devastated but i accepted it as i know that i need to move on. It was the biggest regret in my life.

After the whole incident, we drifted apart and he no longer calls up again. And I made up my mind to put a stop to our so call relationship.

Till now, i feel the sense of regret. I would so much love to keep the baby. But it would hinder my career and my studies at that point of time. How selfish of me!

Regrets .... for my whole life.

-- by Joey