Unexpected pregnancy? Call 1-800-MUM-TO-BE (1-800-686-8623).

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Farce of a Counselling Session

Originally posted by tristefemme. Most of the personal information has been removed. Reproduced without permission.

Today, LX, my ex-bf and the father of my unborn child, and I went for counselling with a professional psychologist and a counsellor. The purpose of the couselling was to find an "amicable solution" for us, or so, LX had told his bosses and friends.

It turned out to be more of a session for LX to voice his stance on the issue of my unwanted pregnancy: (1) He will pay child support only; (2) He never wants to have anything to do with me nor the child ever again; (3) I intentionally got myself pregnant so that I could tie him to me forever; (4) I had caused a lot of grief and hurt to his family. LX was very defensive and harsh. His eyes and tone of voice suggested no ambiguity whatsoever that he hated me for screwing up his life. I believe that LX had suggested the counselling session to show his bosses and friends that he had tried to take a responsible step in dealing with this issue, but it turned out to be a farce, a meeting session for him to state his stance in front of two strangers so that I would not get too emotional, disguised as a counselling session. I thought counselling sessions were not supposed to be a one-off session, that they would be a series of sessions where the couple will then meet each other's wishes midway.

On (1), I do not consider it an act of responsibility as, as the father of the child, he is legally obliged to pay child maintenance until the child turns 21.

On (2), he certainly drove home his point by passing me a huge box containing all the gifts I had given him. He said that he did not want me to harbor any hopes whatsoever that we would get back together in the future. Would I have such hopes after I've seen what a selfish, irresponsible and heartless person he is?

On (3), he claimed that I liked him to ejaculate and stay inside of me, and that I did not like him to wear a condom. I do not see the point of trying to explain what clearly is a subjective matter between two parties in the bedroom that cannot be verified by a third party. I do not want to go into greater details of what is essentially a very private matter, but I would like to state for the record that I did not LIKE him to ejaculate inside of me, and I did not NOT LIKE him to wear a condom. As our sexual relationship developed, The Pill and an infertility problem were our only contraception.

I have been told that I have the beauty and the brains, so why would I resort to the lowdown means of getting myself pregnant so that I could tie him down to me? It's not as if I was desperate for his genes (which is of very poor quality: just look at the way he still refuses to take responsibility and even blames me for the unwanted pregnancy). I do not want this child as much as he doesn't want it. Pregnancy came years ahead of plan, minus the marriage and with a very wrong man. If my relationship with him did not work out, sure, I would be hurt and upset for a couple of months, but I am sure that it would only be a matter of time before I found someone new again.

On (4), LX has caused alot of hurt and grief to my parents as well, I would say even more so than what his parents are experiencing. Why can't he see that he is also to blame for the hurt and grief that both families are experiencing? Does he realize that this pregnancy takes two hands to clap? While he hates me for screwing up his life, he has screwed up my life, too. I am the one who has the bear the burden of carrying and raising the child, and be subjected to social redicule. So, whose life is actually more screwed up than whose? How would his parents feel, if they had a daughter and some guy made her pregnant and wanted to get away with it? Would they make their daughter go for an abortion, and move on with their lives, pretending that this episode had never happened?

Even if he hates me and has no regard for my feelings whatsoever, why doesn't LX consider the feelings of his child? His own flesh and blood. Yes, he doesn't want this child. I don't want it either. But it exists, and even though to him, the child has the wrong mother, he is afterall the father of the child, the other half of the child. How can anyone with a conscience be so heartless and cruel to his own flesh and blood?

I used to think that he was responsible, caring and a generally nice guy, an opinion that was shared by his family, friends and colleagues.

I was wrong.

-- by tristefemme

1 comment:

Stephanie Lee said...

Such man really exist! I have rather the same experience and currently going through the pregnancy on my own. If he didn't want a child then he should not have sex with anyone in the 1st place! Girls always have to bear te burden to be pregnant, taking all the emotional hurts and responsibilities. And man just get away with it, walk out of it and treats it as nothing ever happens before. They have no strings attached. However concious will prick him one day. What goes around comes around. Be strong!

Unexpected pregnancy? Call 1-800-MUM-TO-BE (1-800-686-8623).